Course Guide

The Coach-Client Relationship

The coaching relationship is one of equalised power. The coach draws information from the client and the client draws inspiration from the coach. No one is right or wrong. The coaching experience is an opportunity to explore, as partners, the various options open to the client to resolve problems in their environment and/or to develop even more effective ways of operating in the workforce and in relation to people and tasks in general. The coaching relationship is built on three pillars: 

  • Establishing a trusting relationship. 
  • Understanding the client’s situation. 
  • Identifying the client’s coaching needs .

Establishing a trusting relationship  

The coaching relationship is built on trust generating from establishing rapport and a solid connection with the client. Rapport is the ‘state’ that is developed between individuals when they are aligned in thought and purpose. If not naturally acquired, it is one of the most fundamental skills to deepen and enrich a relationship. Often, no words need be said, as there is an ‘understanding’ that goes deeper than the surface words into the deep structure, unconscious cerebral cortex connections. 

Whilst rapport-building comes naturally to some people, to others it is one of the most difficult skills to master. Some people are very shy and reluctant to make the first move. Others are more comfortable taking a ‘back seat’, watching and waiting to be invited to join the conversation. These behaviours have been developed within their family of origin or acquired as a result of unfortunate circumstances or experiences in the past.  As a rule of thumb, people like people who are like themselves. It's very easy to establish rapport with a person you identify with strongly, where there are common experiences and frames of reference that give you a common ground for communication and interaction.  

Understanding the client’s situation  

When an individual seeks coaching, the first thing that a coach will do is listen to their story so they can understand the client’s situation. What is the critical issue that has caused them to attend coaching? In broad terms, is it a problem to be solved, or a goal to be achieved? What is the client saying about what happened, what caused the situation to occur, who was involved, where did it happen, when did it happen, how did it come about, how often does it occur? It is not always helpful to ask ‘why’ questions, as this might lead to blame and recrimination. All the coach knows is that something happened to the client and they need your help to clarify it, resolve it, and move forward to find solutions. The coach listens actively and reflectively to find out details about the content, the context, the impact on the client and others, and how they are feeling. 

Identifying the client’s coaching needs  

When clients come to be coached, they are usually trying to get away from the ‘pain’ they are experiencing, or they wish to move forward towards a target they are pursuing - the ‘gain’. These two motivations are highly powerful (and necessary) as indicators of a client’s willingness to make changes in their life. We know that nobody can make another person do something they don’t want to do, and it is not the coach’s job to do this either. A client must be a willing recipient in the coaching process - ready to openly and honestly discuss what is concerning them and what is important to them. The very act of revealing themselves to a coach is often sufficient to bring about internal ‘shifts’ that are so insightful as to propel the client to do something different. Any positive movement forward is a good start. The coach’s role is to channel that forward movement into the completion of actions that bring about success. In essence, the client recognises their own insights brought about by self-awareness of their situation as ‘teased out’ by the coach and, in a corporate situation, supported by any personality assessments that may have been conducted (particularly 3600 assessments). 

The coach’s role is to help the client discover what they need as opposed to what they wantNeeds and wants are often two different things. According to Maslow (1943) we need food and shelter, love and belonging. To function as an effective human being we also need to have self-esteem and control over our own lives to the point where, ideally, we are able to self-actualise (i.e. live the life we want to have). Not all people get to be self-actualised. The coach works with the client to make sure they have or can attain everything they need, and then works on moving the client forwards towards self-actualisation (what they really want). Along the way, the coach differentiates a need from a want. A need is brought about by an internal biological imbalance that occurs when we are deprived of something. For example, we need a house/apartment to live in, but we may want to live in a mansion. We need a source of income (i.e. a job) but we may want to be our own boss (i.e.be an entrepreneur). This is not to say that we cannot have everything that we want (like the new car, lounge suite, promotion) but merely to say that needs come first before wants can be satisfied. 

This modified excerpt is taken from the book “Positive Psychology Coaching” by Dr Susanne Knowles which is available from www.amazon.com and www.barnesandnoble.com. 

Book Reviews and a Book Trainer are available on www.susanne.knowles.com